Friday, February 07 2014 @ 01:38 PM


The Winter Olympics are always exciting to watch, but the trek to Sochi is pretty far. So this winter, why not hold your own Olympics? Have your own trials, practice your triple sow-cows, and let the games begin!


Step One: Create the country you will be representing.

Whether you decide to be competing for Minionville or The United States of Candy Corn, you should be sure to create a country flag and national anthem so when you win, the crowd can sing you on to glory.


Step Two: Hold an elaborate and memorable opening ceremony.

After bringing the Olympic torch (or, in this case, the Olympic flashlight) into your opening ceremony venue, be sure to display different music and other cultural aspects of your host country. Whether this involves a theatrical reenactment of your country’s founding or a choreographed dance to a song by your country’s national musician is up to you.


Step Three: Compete with other athletes in some of the finest sports winter has to offer.

You might have not been saving snow for the past three years in preparation for these events, but do not worry! There are a plethora of other winter games that you can compete in!

-- Sock Skating: Wearing socks bearing your country’s colors, slide across the wood floor. Whether this is speed sock skating or sock figure skating, be careful not to crash into anything.

-- Curling: Traditionally, the sport of curling involves sweeping a big stone down an ice path with great precision. Since big stones are hard to come by, try sweeping a pillow down the hallway. This may not be the most popular sport, but it is the most fun way to use a broom.

-- Bobsled: Grab the biggest cardboard box you can find and slide down a hill in it. Award yourself extra points for distance and not completely falling out of the box within the first two seconds.


And just as quickly as it came, your winter Olympics are over. Celebrate with a medal ceremony, a press conference, and your very own TV commercial.